The South Will Rise Again, in Massachusetts!

The 2004 election revealed that we live in a bitterly divided nation. There is little similarity between the Americas that liberals and conservatives wish to live in. As long as we are forced to choose, the chasm between red states and blue states is doomed to remain indefinitely.

But there is hope for reconciliation. One of the few good things to come out of the election is a new interest in secession among the political left. A mutually beneficial separation would allow both red staters and blue staters to get what they want.

By limiting political units to the level of local communities through secession, people could live how they wished without imposing their lifestyle on the rest of us. If Christian conservatives want to outlaw abortion, homosexuality, recreational substances, and fun in general, let them! If left-coast hippies want to march under rainbow flags, smoke up, and forbid genetically modified foods, why not? My vision for America is a collage of diverse communities representing every extreme in our culture and every point in between. As long as we can all do our own thing, there is no reason why we can’t all get along.

Furthermore, a wave of secessionism would have economic benefits by weeding out costly and stupid government programs. If Republicans want endless warfare, let them pay for it! If Democrats want a socialist cradle-to-grave welfare state, send them the bill! The only reason such imprudent laws get passed is because the government can force their opponents to pick up the tab. If political groups had to face the full cost of the laws they support they would exercise more fiscal restraint and foresight.

Moreover, secession has never been more practical. With the advent of modern communications and other technology, a diverse patchwork of tiny states is economically feasible. Small city-states like Hong Kong can become economic powerhouses by plugging into the worldwide marketplace. Being cut off from manipulation by the federal government does not mean being cut off from commerce. Without the tariffs imposed by the US government, secessionist American communities could become even more prosperous than they are now as part of the Union.

The time is right for a viable, peaceful secessionist movement. Unlike 1860 slavery is a moot point, the butcher of Illinois is not president, and the US military is preoccupied overseas. The ruling Republican regime would love to see California secede, taking its 55 perpetually Democratic electoral votes with them.

This is not the time for Democrats to give up. They should get those “John Kerry ‘04” signs out of the garbage, dust them off, and elect the man president… of New England! The People’s Republic of Hollywood can house all the commies, Jesusland will have its capital in Crawford, Texas, and Libertarianville will be the most happening place on the continent.

The only cure for a divided nation is to divide it even further. US citizens will never agree on everything, so we should agree to disagree.




-Jacob Lyles